The Transgendered Curiousity

Last weekend, I went to a hair salon for an up-do, since I was holding a recital with a few friends at the Cathedral where I work (I'm a piano major, don't ya know...).
The person who was doing my hair had a male body, a male face, and an effeminate voice. He did a FABULOUS job on my hair, and when I went to the girl at the counter to pay, I gave her a $10 bill to tip the stylist.
"This is for him," I said.
"It's HER," she snapped back, and she took the bill.

Umm.....awkward?

I learned the hard way that the stylist considers himself to be a feminine being. Can you imagine if I addressed him as "her" if he considered himself to be a masculine being? Imagine how horribly I would have offended him! But, judging by the masculine features, I addressed him as "him" because, well...if it looks like a duck...

I am continuing to address him as 'him' because of the above reason.

I have pondered the whole thing for quite a while. Here are my thoughts.

First of all, I am completely ignorant regarding the dynamics and thought processes of men who believe they are women. I don't know if it's a duck who desires to become a goose so badly that the duck wishes to be called a goose, or if it's a duck who was born with a goose's brain. The former seems more probable, but of course, I am ignorant so I cannot judge.

Secondly, I want to make it clear that whatever the thought processes of these men are, in NO WAY does that damage the dignity of their human person. They should not be beaten, teased, or harassed in any way. Their humanity is very real, which means the pain they feel is very real, and never would I encourage the ostracising of such human beings. Remember, I am a religious person, and I would never join a religious community that taught hatred. That's why I joined the Catholic Church. Booya!

But the reality of transgendered folks is still, well, a reality, and it requires thought and discussion. Because, what does this tell us about our humanity?

First of all, I disagree with calling a man who wants to be a woman a 'woman'. To me, that is bending reality so as to make the person feel more comfortable. If I called the hair stylist a girl, it would be like I was playing a game of make-believe, and I would have to re-wire my brain so I can somehow 'mold' it into reality.  Forcing yourself to believe in something that logically makes no sense at all is crazy-making. The other hair stylists calling him a girl in order to make him feel better is a noble thing, I think, but in the long run it cannot be beneficial.  Where do we draw the line?

What miffs me the most about this is that their argument is this: "Gender and sexuality is a social construct, not biological". That is their base to LEGITIMISE calling a biological male a female. Allow me to poke holes in that argument.

I had to ask myself, "How do I know I'm female? Is it because I have been TOLD I was female? Is it because I have been TAUGHT how to be female?"

Beyond my obviously feminine physical attributes, I have to look within my mind and my soul to discover the seed of my feminine nature. Looking back in my childhood, I have discovered that NO ONE taught me to love Barbie dolls, flowers, or princesses. NO ONE taught me to imagine that I was a beautiful princess waiting to be fought for by a prince (because, quite frankly, if I told anyone about these thoughts I would have been mocked and laughed at).

I was a fan of Disney movies then, and I still am today. One could say, "The only reason why you imagined yourself to be a beautiful princess is because those Disney tales have indoctrinated you into wishing that was so, and that women are helpless and in need of saving".

Rubbish. And here's why.

I liked those movies because they SPOKE TO ME. A desire within me resonated when I watched those movies. Flowers, Barbie dolls, and long hair SPOKE to me. Women are attracted to beautiful things because it reflects the delicate and beautiful nature of their souls. The same way men are attracted to fast cars and heavy machinery; because it reflects the strength and bravery of their souls. What is beautiful needs to be treated with more care, and what is strong is meant to protect the beautiful. Consider how we treat a fine porcelain tea cup and how we treat a heavy glass beer mug. One is far more beautiful, and needs to be treated so as to keep the beauty intact. A glass beer mug is practical and can be pushed around a bit more, and the strength makes it reliable.

Women love the feeling of being protected. I'm talking real women, not those women who are bitter with men and insist on remaining in competition with them. No one has ever taught me to seek protection. I just knew I was something worth protecting.

Why is it a human need to protect what is beautiful? I'll let you ponder that on your own.

Fast cars aren't exclusive to men and beautiful things are exclusive to women. Heck, I like guns... I have a gun license and I go shooting once in a while (but, I could never, ever go hunting or kill a living thing...target practise for it's own sake is enough. Killing something is contrary to my need to nurture). But, I cannot relate to the almost obsessive NEED for men to be around machinery, sports, and tough things.

Nothing happens in a vacuum. A woman's attraction to beauty and a man's attraction to strength had to come from somewhere, and I'm telling you, it can't logically be a social construct. The differences go waaaaay back. They would have had to. For how could some tribal leader sit down long ago, and think "I will begin a chain of thought where women enjoy social organizing and pretty things, and men will like tools and hunting. This should be just the thing for me to initiate in order for me to forward my own personal agenda". It doesn't make sense!!

No, no...it is something within our God-given souls...a stamp, a mark, and it cannot be wiped away.

Mind you, some things ARE socially constructed, in my opinion, that are meant to define what is masculine and feminine. Skirts, for example, are associated with femininity. The colour blue is associated with masculinity (all in Western culture, of course. Other cultures have their things which associated themselves with only one sex).

But aside from that, those are the reasons why I think masculinity and femininity are not socially constructed, in and of themselves, but society has constructed things AROUND the pre-existing reality of masculinity and femininity.

It is a fascinating coincidence that the night before this all happened, I watched a documentary called "Trained in the Ways of Men", which covered the court case of men who killed a transgendered guy because they found out that he was a biological male, and had engaged in sexual acts with the men on trial without TELLING them that he was indeed a biological male.

In this documentary, a "transgendered woman" (formally a man, if I may be so politically correct) tells the story of when he went out on a few dates with a policeman, but he felt the need to tell the policeman the truth about his sexuality. WAY TO GO. Honourable, brave, noble, and honest. The policeman couldn't see him anymore. I think deep down, the policeman knew that it was, in fact, a biologically male creature dressed as a woman, and not an actual, REAL biological woman. To believe it as such would be, as previously mentioned, bending reality.

I cannot imagine the confusion and the pain that transgendered folk are going through. But I want to draw the line. If a boy WANTS to be a girl, and feels that he is a girl, don't say "Because sexuality is a social construct, go be a girl, and have fun". Examine it...consider the fact that human beings have an endless amount of quirks because of the millions of different influences we are subjected to in our lives, and the million types of trauma that we can endure that, in a sense, forces us to believe certain things within us, and causes us to act out in a certain ways. It needs more research, discussion, and scrutiny.
It's the same thing with Catholic exorcisms... all medical approaches and treatments must be EXHAUSTED before it can be considered a true demonic possession. I want all psychological and medical means to be exhausted before you tell me I MUST call a biological man a woman. I'm not saying that what these people are feeling isn't genuine, I'm saying it must be examined at it's source....and we must move beyond mere theories and estimations. Because sexuality is important. Humanity is important. We must learn more about ourselves.

In the meantime, I reserve the right to call a duck a duck. I don't mean to hurt anyone, it's just about coming to grips with what's real.

And I will never, ever endorse physical or mental trauma to be administered to those who are transgendered. A duck is a duck...and a human being is a human being. Amen. Alleluia.