I am choosing to share my thoughts on virginity because of how strongly it goes against the 'values' of the
world. The Church celebrates virginity and I want to explain the benefits of this state of life, as well as to explore some teachings/traditions of virginity that I have a hard time understanding.
Now, here is my attempt to define virginity:
First of all, I don't think virginity is a virtue. Chastity is a virtue. Virginity is an expression of chastity. I say virginity is not a virtue because it is something that can be used for either good or evil. Chastity can never be used for evil, but virginity can. Here is a Catholic Wench confession: There are times when I have been guilty of pride because since I was very small, I vowed never to have sex unless I got married. Thankfully I have been able to keep that vow. However, I often praise myself for this, and not God. I have fought with pride when I considered myself cleaner and more pure than some other girl who has decided to live in with her boyfriend and do the deed on a regular basis. I think God would prefer someone who lost their virginity and then repented with a contrite heart than a virgin who uses her state in life to puff up her pride.
I think virginity is MEANT for good, but whether or not it has a good outcome depends on our free will, and how we choose to handle this gift. Same with sex. I think it was meant to be good, but it has the ability to be used for evil as well. It really depends on us. That's why we need to get real and inform ourselves of the consequences of when we misuse something that God has given us. Sanity in this world relies on our desire to come to terms with reality.
Back to virginity:
I think 'virginity' suggests a status. Saying that a person is chaste doesn't effect our perception of him/her in the same way as saying that someone is a virgin. Chastity is a state of 'doing' whereas virginity is a state of 'being'. ... I think.
In the world, if someone is a virgin, they are either viewed as being a prude, or being undesireable to the opposite nsex. Not being a virgin in the world carries with it a certain status as well: that they are wanted and sought after. At least for women. Maybe for men, it is a sign of being able to assert themselves.
I also think the definition of 'virgin' as used by the Catholic Church is different than the world's definition. At least, the Catholic Church has a fuller definition. The world defines virgin as thus: One who has never had sex. However, I think the Catholic Church defines virginity as such: Someone who has chosen never to have sex so as to grow in virtue and to assist in developing an undivided heart so as to love and follow God as best they can.
The world sees virginity as a state in life that is dependent upon circumstance, and the Church views virginity as a choice with a virtuous goal.
Virginity does not guarantee chastity, nor does chastity guarantee virginity. Yet they are both perfected when used together. In other words: Virginity is perfected when one is living it with the goal of chastity and a clean heart is in mind, and chastity is perfect when its manifestation is virginity....again, I think so, anyway.
Chastity and. above all, virginity, are very important practices in the Catholic Church. Someone once told me that as soon as a person starts having sex, it is difficult to get your mind on anything else. Your desires and your heart become divided. Exercising control over the desires of the flesh help us to seek God with an undivided heart. It has nothing to do with trying to suppress and control the sex lives of Catholics. What do the individual members of the hierarchy have to gain by 'telling' you when and how to have sex? Do people not realize that this is a teaching for OUR benefit? That by remaining chaste, we no don't develop undue and confusing emotional attachments to people who are not right for us? That we avoid pregnancy out of wedlock, which prevents a child having to grow up with many different father figures, or without a father figure at all? That by remaining chaste we are not allowing others who are slaves to their desires to take advantage of our bodies? HAVE PEOPLE NOT LEARNED THAT BEING PROMISCUOUS DOES NOT LEAD TO HAPPINESS????? It's insanity! "Maybe if I sleep with THIS person I'll be happy! maybe if people view me as being sexually desirable, I will be happy!" If a promiscuous lifestyle TRULY led to the happiness and joy that God desires for us, this world would be in a very different state right now.
Ok, back on to the topic:
Food for thought: Can chastity be perfected if the person growing in this virtue is not a virgin? I actually don't know.
Oh yes, chastity and celibacy are different. Celibacy is remaining single for the sake of the kingdom , and chastity is directing/controlling our sexual appetites, depending on our state in life. A married couple are chaste when they direct their sexual appetites towards each other so as to strengthen the bond of marriage.
The tradition of celebrating virginity in the Catholic Church centers mostly around women. Anyway, I think the choice to remain a virgin within the Catholic faith liberates women; they don't HAVE to get married if they do not feel called to such a life. One of my friends told me the other day that back in the early Church, women would choose virginity as a sign of their devotion to Christ when men had the opportunity to join orders.
Now, why is virginity celebrated with women in the Church, and not with men? Jesus remained a virgin all His life, yet we do not talk about it or celebrate it the same way we celebrate Mary's perpetual virginity.
When I look through the list of Saints in my breviary, I only see the word "virgin" next to selected female Saints, and NEVER next to a male Saint. I see "Catherine of Siena, Virgin and Doctor", yet one would never see "Irenaeus, Virgin, Bishop, and Martyr".
Why don't we celebrate virginity with men? Apprently, men suffer with lust more than women do... if a man remains a virgin for the sake of the Kingdom, isn't that more reason to celebrate? Did he not have to work hard to keep chaste?
I think this goes back to the fact that virginity carries with it a certain status. When we hear that a woman is a virgin, we view her as pure and untouched. When it is announced that a man is a virgin, our eyes may grow into golf balls, we may giggled on the inside and think "poor guy! He must have had no luck with the ladies. What a dud".
And why is this? I HAVE A THEORY!!!!!!!
A study was shown to two groups of people. The first group of people were shown the video of a baby crying. They were asked "Why is this baby girl crying?" They answered,"Because she is sad! She is upset about something!"
The second group of people were shown the same video, but this time they were asked "Why is this baby boy crying?" They answered,"Because he is angry or frustrated about something!"
People gave a different answer because of the sex of the child, and I bet the people gave those answers without being conscious of the fact that the baby, being either a boy or a girl, influenced how they viewed the emotion of the baby. We see men as needing to assert their wills, and we view women as simply responding to what is happening to them.
So, perhaps when we know that a man is a virgin, we somehow assume that he has been unable to assert himself, and thus he has failed as a man. Hmm. Do we not celebrate virginity in men because God wills it thus? Or do we not celebrate virginity in men because the status of virginity in secular culture has seeped into our way of thinking within the Church?
Or perhaps it is more profound than this. Consider adultery. The sin is just as great with men as it is with women in God's eyes, yet we somehow tend to judge the woman more harshly than the man. Yes, this is unjust. However...
A guy friend of mine told me the other day that virginity is a higher calling in women than it is in men. Could it be that virginity is more venerated in women than in men because women are protecting something that men don't have? Alice von Hildebrand said that women are the guardians of purity; that it has been entrusted to us, and if we betray this sacred mission, then we will be frowned upon more than if men commit the same sexual sin. Most interesting. What do YOU think?
