Atheists just don't get it

I am puzzled by the silliness of some of the atheists' arguments. Here is a famous one: "Believing in God is just as silly as believing in the Flying Spaghetti Monster".

I'm gonna be brief.

This argument does not address the point that believers are trying to make: We believe in God because there is the STAMP OF GOD in human nature. Morality is a stamp. Love and selflessness is a stamp. The complexity of how we are created is a stamp.

Mythical creatures (Leprechauns, Unicorns, and even our beloved Flying Spaghetti Monster) do not leave stamps in said areas... at least not the point where billions of human beings are convinced of their existence.

Now, if I am silly enough to believe in God, how is it that I do not believe in 'other mythical creatures'? Because I have a brain (I think). The intelligence in the created world (in what is seen and unseen) points to something greater than ourselves. It is the ultimate. Mythical creatures do not explain anything... they leave no evidence to their existence... the only evidence they leave is fabricated in our imaginations and due to the over-interpretation of facts and lack of scientific understanding. now, one could say this about believing in God, but the evidence is overwhelming and science is at a loss for words.

But how we are put together and the inclinations of our nature and behaviour that cannot be explained by our animal/primal needs... it's God.

So atheists, dialogue is good and encouraged, but if we are debating the existence of God, don't defer to the flying Spaghetti Monster. It's apples and oranges, I tell ya. If we are saying that it's the three-toothed rainbow-maned unicorn that is responsible for the collective human belief that the holocaust was evil, then have at 'er. In the meantime, it's God. Stick to the subject and answer the question that is being posed, and do it directly. Thanks.

Justin Bieber booed off stage? NOT COOL.

Long time, no write.

I've been busy with school, and composing liturgical music.

A week ago I had lunch with two other Catholic bloggers, and blogger #1 brought up the fact that the illustrious Justin Bieber has recently been booed off stage. Some people may think this is entertaining, and that Justin deserves it for being an irritating young man... or simply because it is satisfying to see someone of such great success fall into a pit once in a while. Maybe people think he has become stuffy in his fame and thus can use a bit of humility.

I think it is important to note that I love Justin Bieber. However, I can't stand his music, nor can I stand his image. Both of these attributes make me sick because I am certain that they are manufactured, and not genuine expressions of who this young man really is.

Being immersed in the classical sphere of music since I was 4 years old and focusing my compositional skills towards the liturgy, I am first to declare that I am almost completely ignorant regarding the inner workings of the pop music industry.  I am not ignorant, however, of the results.

 At lunch, blogger #2 mentioned the two unforgivable sins in Judaism: Murder, and ruining someones good name. I believe that ruining someones name is a form of murder. I once heard the Rector say that in some cases, it can be worse than murder. Pop culture cheapens and ruins the images of individuals made in the image and likeness of God.

The culture of death is not limited to abortion and assisted suicide. There are other ways of killing a human being without having to kill their body. Our society is has become an arena and we sit on the sidelines, cheering and clapping as fellow human beings are being destroyed, and we worship the victorious until eventually they disappoint us by revealing that they have weaknesses like the others.  Then it's on to the next person. Very disturbing indeed.

What I see the pop culture doing is turning human beings into products. Nay... it's more complicated than that. Pop culture turns the humanity of a person into a product. When we love a celebrity's body, hair, clothes, music: that is when the human being becomes a product. We we absorb ourselves into the personal lives of the celebrities; their failing romances, their lifestyles, their mistakes: that is when the humanity becomes a product. Every human being rises and falls... succeeds, and fails. When the rising and falling of a human being becomes the very source of our entertainment, as opposed to the rising and falling of the product that this public figure wishes to sell to us, then that is a sign that we have become truly depraved.

Unfortunately, people often link the value of a product to the value of the human being. Stew on that for a while.

Now, people might think that Justin Bieber has become arrogant in his fame and thus needs to be brought down once in a while. This may be true. But two things remain: We do not know his heart, and we must leave it up to God to bring down those who are proud, for the very nature of pride is to bring one to fall. Must we become instruments of the sin of pride? Let God give a soul what it needs. Let God be the judge of what a soul needs.

Virginity in the Catholic Church

I am choosing to share my thoughts on virginity because of how strongly it goes against the 'values' of the
world. The Church celebrates virginity and I want to explain the benefits of this state of life, as well as to explore some teachings/traditions of virginity that I have a hard time understanding.

Now, here is my attempt to define virginity:

First of all, I don't think virginity is a virtue. Chastity is a virtue. Virginity is an expression of chastity. I say virginity is not a virtue because it is something that can be used for either good or evil. Chastity can never be used for evil, but virginity can. Here is a Catholic Wench confession: There are times when I have been guilty of pride because since I was very small, I vowed never to have sex unless I got married. Thankfully I have been able to keep that vow. However, I often praise myself for this, and not God. I have fought with pride when I considered myself cleaner and more pure than some other girl who has decided to live in with her boyfriend and do the deed on a regular basis. I think God would prefer someone who lost their virginity and then repented with a contrite heart than a virgin who uses her state in life to puff up her pride.

I think virginity is MEANT for good, but whether or not it has a good outcome depends on our free will, and how we choose to handle this gift. Same with sex. I think it was meant to be good, but it has the ability to be used for evil as well. It really depends on us. That's why we need to get real and inform ourselves of the consequences of when we misuse something that God has given us. Sanity in this world relies on our desire to come to terms with reality.

Back to virginity:

I think 'virginity' suggests a status. Saying that a person is chaste doesn't effect our perception of him/her in the same way as saying that someone is a virgin. Chastity is a state of 'doing' whereas virginity is a state of 'being'. ... I think.
In the world, if someone is a virgin, they are either viewed as being a prude, or being undesireable to the opposite nsex. Not being a virgin in the world carries with it a certain status as well: that they are wanted and sought after. At least for women. Maybe for men, it is a sign of being able to assert themselves. 

 I also think the definition of 'virgin' as used by the Catholic Church is different than the world's definition. At least, the Catholic Church has a fuller definition. The world defines virgin as thus: One who has never had sex. However, I think the Catholic Church defines virginity as such: Someone who has chosen never to have sex so as to grow in virtue and to assist in developing an undivided heart so as to love and follow God as best they can.

The world sees virginity as a state in life that is dependent upon circumstance, and the Church views virginity as a choice with a virtuous goal.

Virginity does not guarantee chastity, nor does chastity guarantee virginity. Yet they are both perfected when used together. In other words: Virginity is perfected when one is living it with the goal of chastity and a clean heart is in mind, and chastity is perfect when its manifestation is virginity....again, I think so, anyway.

Chastity and. above all, virginity, are very important practices in the Catholic Church. Someone once told me that as soon as a person starts having sex, it is difficult to get your mind on anything else. Your desires and your heart become divided. Exercising control over the desires of the flesh help us to seek God with an undivided heart. It has nothing to do with trying to suppress and control the sex lives of Catholics. What do the individual members of the hierarchy have to gain by 'telling' you when and how to have sex? Do people not realize that this is a teaching for OUR benefit? That by remaining chaste, we no don't develop undue and confusing emotional attachments to people who are not right for us? That we avoid pregnancy out of wedlock, which prevents a child having to grow up with many different father figures, or without a father figure at all? That by remaining chaste we are not allowing others who are slaves to their desires to take advantage of our bodies? HAVE PEOPLE NOT LEARNED THAT BEING PROMISCUOUS DOES NOT LEAD TO HAPPINESS?????  It's insanity! "Maybe if I sleep with THIS person I'll be happy! maybe if people view me as being sexually desirable, I will be happy!" If a promiscuous lifestyle TRULY led to the happiness and joy that God desires for us, this world would be in a very different state right now.

Ok, back on to the topic:

Food for thought: Can chastity be perfected if the person growing in this virtue is not a virgin? I actually don't know.

Oh yes, chastity and celibacy are different. Celibacy is remaining single for the sake of the kingdom , and chastity is directing/controlling our sexual appetites, depending on our state in life. A married couple are chaste when they direct their sexual appetites towards each other so as to strengthen the bond of marriage.

The tradition of celebrating virginity in the Catholic Church centers mostly around women. Anyway, I think the choice to remain a virgin within the Catholic faith liberates women; they don't HAVE to get married if they do not feel called to such a life. One of my friends told me the other day that back in the early Church, women would choose virginity as a sign of their devotion to Christ when men had the opportunity to join orders.

Now, why is virginity celebrated with women in the Church, and not with men? Jesus remained a virgin all His life, yet we do not talk about it or celebrate it the same way we celebrate Mary's perpetual virginity.
When I look through the list of Saints in my breviary, I only see the word "virgin" next to selected female Saints, and NEVER next to a male Saint. I see "Catherine of Siena, Virgin and Doctor", yet one would never see "Irenaeus, Virgin, Bishop, and Martyr".

Why don't we celebrate virginity with men? Apprently, men suffer with lust more than women do... if a man remains a virgin for the sake of the Kingdom, isn't that more reason to celebrate? Did he not have to work hard to keep chaste?

I think this goes back to the fact that virginity carries with it a certain status. When we hear that a woman is a virgin, we view her as pure and untouched. When it is announced that a man is a virgin, our eyes may grow into golf balls, we may giggled on the inside and think "poor guy! He must have had no luck with the ladies. What a dud".

And why is this? I HAVE A THEORY!!!!!!!

A study was shown to two groups of people. The first group of people were shown the video of a baby crying. They were asked "Why is this baby girl crying?" They answered,"Because she is sad! She is upset about something!"
The second group of people were shown the same video, but this time they were asked "Why is this baby boy crying?" They answered,"Because he is angry or frustrated about something!"

People gave a different answer because of the sex of the child, and I bet the people gave those answers without being conscious of the fact that the baby, being either a boy or a girl, influenced how they viewed the emotion of the baby. We see men as needing to assert their wills, and we view women as simply responding to what is happening to them.

So, perhaps when we know that a man is a virgin, we somehow assume that he has been unable to assert himself, and thus he has failed as a man. Hmm. Do we not celebrate virginity in men because God wills it thus? Or do we not celebrate virginity in men because the status of virginity in secular culture has seeped into our way of thinking within the Church?

Or perhaps it is more profound than this. Consider adultery. The sin is just as great with men as it is with women in God's eyes, yet we somehow tend to judge the woman more harshly than the man. Yes, this is unjust. However...

A guy friend of mine told me the other day that virginity is a higher calling in women than it is in men. Could it be that virginity is more venerated in women than in men because women are protecting something that men don't have? Alice von Hildebrand said that women are the guardians of purity; that it has been entrusted to us, and if we betray this sacred mission, then we will be frowned upon more than if men commit the same sexual sin. Most interesting. What do YOU think?

Why the Mantilla?? Why not the Mantilla?

Recently, I have begun to wear the mantilla to Church. I ordered some online, and I received them last week.

At the moment, I am simply 'experimenting' with them. I have not gone gung ho in regards to women wearing the mantilla, nor do I believe that all women should do so. Nor am I adhering to what is traditional simply because it is traditional. 

In fact, tradition has hardly anything to do with my decision for trying out the mantilla. 

I read recently that the mantilla can assist the woman while she prays. I thought about that, so I decided to give it a try. 

For me, wearing the mantilla in Church serves as a physical reminder to myself that I am no longer out in the world, but I am now in God's house, and in His presence in the Blessed Sacrament. This physical reminder helps me to focus on the liturgy. Also, it may serve as a reminder to others that I am in the house of God to pray. Why is this important? Well, going to Church no longer seems important or special to a lot of people. I suppose that is why many come to Church wearing flip flops or short-shorts. Going to Church becomes a casual event, rather than a venue for people to come into the presence of God and to be nourished my Him through the word and through His Body and Blood. For me, wearing the mantilla reminds me that Church is set apart from the world. 

I am starting to believe that wearing the mantilla in the presence of God in Church is a sign of my submission to Him (or, at least, my desire to submit to Him). 

Some may view the mantilla as a sign of women's oppression. I consider it a sign of humility before God. NOW, I am not saying that people must start wearing the mantilla, or else that obviously means that they do not consider Mass sacred. Different strokes for different folks! 

But before I can testify that the mantilla indeed assists me in prayer, I have to overcome a few psychological hurdles. My biggest fear is that of judgment. I worry that I am drawing unnecessary attention to myself, and that when people see me wearing the mantilla, they will think, "she's nuts. She's just doing that for attention. She's stuck in the dark ages. She thinks she is holier than everyone else."

Even though wearing the mantilla so far has assisted me in focusing on Mass, I am also focusing on what other people may be thinking about me. The first time I wore the mantilla to Church, I was super nervous and I was shaking like a leaf!! 

One could argue that wearing the mantilla is an act of charity, as it hides my hair and sort of hides my face, and thus people will not be distracted by me. On the other hand, the fact that so few women wear mantillas these days could make the action of wearing the mantilla even MORE distracting to others. Who knows? 

It is all so preliminary. I will continue to wear them at Church, and we'll see how it goes. I think they are very pretty, as a matter of fact. So do my girl friends. 

I suppose the mantilla is like most other inanimate objects. A hammer could be used to crush someone's skull and kill them, or the hammer could be used for building a beautiful home that shelters an entire family. A gun can be used to massacre innocents. It can also be used to kill deer and to feed a family. Whether or not the mantilla is useful or destructive really relies on the capacities of the human person; how we are able to interpret things as either evil, or good. (sometimes, something seems evil, but God uses it for good). I guess an inanimate object can never really be good or evil, but rather, it can be used as a vessel for human beings to carry out actions that are good or evil.

In the end, it all boils down to my relationship with God. At the same time, having a relationship with God automatically means being compassionate to others within the community. I don't want to cause scandal, and I don't want people to be distracted from God when they are trying to pray. But I guess if the mantilla is actually assisting me in prayer and bearing good fruit, then people need to take responsibility for their own weaknesses. If they are distracted by a mantilla, they ought to look within themselves, rather than pointing the finger at someone else. 

Ultimately, I do not think mantillas, or any other head coverings, are necessary for a woman to grow in holiness. But if they can help in some situations, then why not?? 

Can you think of any reason why women should never wear one? 

Difficulties of being a Catholic woman

To my dear Catholic women:

Are you a faithful, precept-abiding, prayerful, Mass-attending papist like myself?

Are you in love with Christ? Are you aware that you may not be as in love with Christ as you ought to be, and thus work harder at your relationship with Christ through prayer and works of charity?

Do you believe the Catholic Church provides her people with the means of attaining sanctity and salvation?

I sure as Helen do.

However...

Do you also feel a little 'sting' at the back of your mind when you see only men or boys allowed to be altar servers, whereas girl servers are merely 'tolerated'?
Does this sting happen when vocations to the priestly life are celebrated, whereas vocations of women to the religious life are over-looked and viewed to be of little importance? (Mind you, we need priests, as we need the Sacraments in our Church. I am not down-playing the importance of priests. More on this later...)

As a woman, do you feel overwhelmed while looking into Church history, only to discover long lists of 'women should never..." "women should be discouraged from..." and "women ought not to..." 's?

Do the rules of the Catholic Church seem like a one-way street? Men get to do as they please, yet women are being bullied to look a certain way, dress a certain way, act a certain way, and just keep their mouths shut?

Are you sick of  hearing about how women are the cause of sin entering the world?

Does the Church feel more like "The Man's house" as opposed to the House of God?

Do you feel outdone by the genius works of men? Artwork? Music? Architecture? Impressive books on Theological and Philosophical thought?

Do you sometimes feel that your only vocation in the Church as a woman is to make sure there are flowers in front of the statues, and that you are to give birth to a million children and hopefully one of them will grow up to be a priest?

I sure as Helen think these things as well. If you are a faithful Catholic woman and you have NOT had any of these negative thoughts, not even for a moment, you are either extremely insane, or extremely balanced. Think about that for a moment.

I attend Mass and continue with my faith because Christ is calling me to Him. Yet, all around me, I am bombarded with messages that the masculine gifts are the only gifts that the Church needs, and that these are the only gifts the Church cherishes.

Take heart, my sisters. Satan hates women, and as he is so clever, he will take lies and form them into the most believable things.

This society is treacherous. Especially with all of this 'feminist' stuff going around. What better way to deter women from being members of the Catholic Church than by the slow, painful erosion of psychological torture?

Behold the lie:

"Look, women in the world get to be who they want, dress as they want, act as they please. Go into your Church, as you will see that women are objects meant to be controlled. You may not be who you want, you may not dress as you want, you may not act as you please. You may not have positions of authority as you can in the world. Your talents will not be utilized as they would be in the world. Why subject yourself to such servitude?"

What a burden on women! Here we have two worlds.... each world so dramatically different, yet each world promising to deliver total happiness to women.

I think the reason why women lose hope in the Church is because they are focusing on what they do not have. Let's face it: the role and accomplishments of men, especially in the Catholic Church, are visible to all. I mean, physically visible; you can see it. You see the man-Pope surrounded by his man-Cardinals, you see the priest in the Sanctuary, you see the art work and, well, hear the music of the man-genius. Women want in. They wish to be seen, too. We wish to be noticed. How human of us!

Ahh, women. Our vocation goes far deeper than what can be seen.

Recently, I was watching this YouTube clip of Alice von Hildebrand talking about the role and mission of women in the Church. She said one thing that hit me to the core. I can only paraphrase at the moment, but the idea went along these lines:

After the French revolution, women had more authority, but they lost their power of influence. Authority commands "go here! do this!" And influence changes the interior of the person.

Ladies, which role has more 'power'? The ability to tell people where to go and what to do, or the ability to change the very heart of one who commands?

"Women are the neck, and they turn the head." How true indeed.

Why else would Satan tempt Eve with the forbidden fruit? Numskulls would say, "Because as a woman, she is mentally weaker and easier to convince."

Consider this: Satan tempted Eve because, as a woman, she had the power of influence over Adam. Once you have overthrown the woman, you have overthrown the man. And that is how Satan is attacking our society TODAY. He confuses the woman, promises her power, liberation... tells her that she is the victim of man. Once woman has fallen, men will fall, too. I suppose this is what it means when we hear that women are the "devil's gateway". This is not because women are evil, but it is because it is through women that the devil wishes to destroy mankind.

Ladies, are you coming to grips with the importance of your femininity? Do you not know how much the salvation of mankind depends on the nurturing of your femininity?

Now, I know how difficult it is to be a woman in the Catholic church. The accomplishments of men are far more visible, but consider this: When the end of the world comes, all books, works of architecture, and musical manuscripts created by men (and by some women, too) will be destroyed. What lasts forever is the work we do on each other's souls. A woman is drawn to what is personal, whereas men are drawn more to what is impersonal. Women, the influence we have on the souls of others last to eternity. This is why we must love the Lord and obey the Lord. We must influence those around us to choose Christ. We may not be as public in the Church, but our conduct speaks loud and clear and has a lasting impression on the history of salvation.

Now, on to some men in the Church who had stupid ideas. You will hear St. Thomas say something about how women are a necessary accident of nature, and you will hear other things of the sort. (Although two brilliant seminary friends of mine have told me that the word 'accident' in this context is not the same as 'mistake'. I guess it is important to become familiar with the uses of their terminology!!) Sometimes you will get a priest who is mean to women and nice to men. You will get manly authoritative figures of the Church treat women like rubbish... who view women as walking moods, as opposed to rational creatures (yes men, women are rational creatures).

I'm telling you, these thoughts are not God's thoughts. These are the thoughts of men who are sinners like everyone else. They are speaking out of ignorance, or damage. Maybe a particular man's mother was a bitch. Maybe a girl he was in love with broke his heart. Maybe he was ugly and fat and women have rejected him all his life. Or, maybe he is just an arrogant man who was taught that women were inferior. Take heart! These are the thoughts of individual men, not of the Church at large. Pray for them, for they sure need it! Women are also guilty as mistreating men based on bad life experiences and misconceptions of masculinity.

I go to this thing every Thursday called Theology on Tap. I am surrounded by the brightest of young men who go on and on using large words, and arguing about who is right regarding this canon law, or whatever that definition means, etc. Most of the time, I remain in silent awe of their intelligence. I find that the discipline of theology pulls in far more men than women. I suppose glorifying God in this manner appeals more to the masculine mind than the feminine one, but of course, I don't mean to over-generalize.
God created the masculine mind for a purpose, I know it. I suppose the intellect influences the will. Maybe this is way God gave men abstract minds. (Edith Stein says that men have more abstract minds, whereas women have more concrete minds). In my opinion, over-analyzing one's faith holds the danger of over-complicating things, and faith turns into a set of ideas rather than a personal relationship with a personal and loving God. I also believe that any means of getting close to God can be in danger when pride and other sins grab hold. I love how men and women are different, and we need each other. I guess women need men to pull us out of our feelings, and men need women to drag their minds out of the clouds sometimes and to focus the more personal elements of life. I suppose I will write a blog post of this concept, too.

I wonder if the power of influence has anything to do with the fact that I am young and moderately good-looking. Will I lose the power of influence when I get really, really old? Nahh, I don't think so. I often wonder if the womanly power of seduction can be used as a legitimate means of influencing men. Probably not. I suppose womanly seduction ought to be used towards her spouse only.

Influence vs. Manipulation. Ahh yes! If a woman uses her seductive powers to get what she wants, that is manipulation. If a woman uses guilt, or foot-stomping to get what she wants, that is manipulation. If a woman loves the Lord and speaks with modesty and sincerity in order to be used as an instrument of God, that is influence.

You see, women? We are so darn good at influencing others that we can slip into manipulation without even knowing it. I guess this is something to look out for.

Regarding vocations: I do believe the priestly vocation is sought after and celebrated far more than the vocation of a woman to the religious life. I believe this has legitimate grounds. However, our ways are not God's ways. Could it be possible that hundreds of vocations to the priesthood could be lost if one young woman's call to the religious life had not been nurtured? Through a nun's maternal gifts, she could give birth, spiritually speaking, to many boys and men and INFLUENCE them to follow a vocation to the priesthood. God works in mysterious ways, and things unfold in ways that we cannot imagine.

I am convinced that more attention must be given to girls and young women, and that their vocational calling ought to be taken more seriously, and need far more nurturing than what it has been receiving. With our own hands we try to convince young men to join the priesthood. Yet, when we put the work in God's hands, well, He can do much more. More women in the religious life will yield plentiful fruit, believe me. Please give young women more support. I am discerning a call to the religious life and it has been nothing but lonely, and I feel very forgotten. I fear that I will lose any vocation at all. Pray for me!

So yes, women... consider the hidden power of your gifts. There are women out there who feel they are called to be 'priests' and want the Church to change Her ways so that women can be 'up there' with the boys. A woman ought to serve Christ as a woman, and not as a woman wishing to be a man. I believe the idea of women who wish to be priests comes from a sinful ambition, which has masked itself as a genuine desire to serve. Remember what I said? Satan can take a lie and turn it into something very believable. He's good at that. But the power and light of God is far greater. Turn to God.

Women, God loves you, the Church loves you, and your femininity has been created to nurture and protect the human race from the lies of Satan. We are called to influence and help form the hearts of those around us so that they may choose what is good. Dress modestly, for as women, we are the guardians of purity (but let men take responsibility for their own lustful inclinations... maybe I will write a post of this later). Love purely. Women are very aware of their humanity... use this natural humility as a way to be even more obedient to the Lord.

How to conquer shyness.

Long time, no write!!

Yours truly has been busy traveling the globe. Well, almost. I was in Israel for two weeks. Then, I was in Rome for almost a month, living with Benedictine Sisters in their cloister. Then, while still in Italy, I got sick twice with tonsillitis, which entailed having to visit the hospital twice (alone!!) and spending nearly 7 days in bed to recover. Then I spent six days out of the cloister, enjoying the city.
I also had to find a qualified professional to administer painful antibiotic injections into my backside for a grand total of six injections. My derriere will NEVER forgive me. And I will never forgive my tonsils.
I got tonsillitis for the third time upon my return to Canada. Thankfully, I'm on pills this time.

Now that I have serenaded you with that pleasant update... on to my topic: Shyness. This is a social problem. Shyness is not introversion, nor should it be considered a regular and acceptable trait of introverted people. I will expand on this later.

Shyness is debilitating and it hampers our ability to give ourselves freely to the Lord through service to our fellow man. An old woman spills the contents of her purse all over the floor of the supermarket. You want to help her collect her things, but a small voice inside you says 'no! What if she rejects your help? What if you try to help, and somehow make a mistake and upset her? What if you make a scene with your mistakes?'
Shyness has nothing to do with wanting to be alone for the sake of being alone. It has everything to do with isolating oneself out of FEAR. When we make a choice out of fear, it is never really a choice. Fear inhibits our ability to think clearly and to make fully informed decisions. Fear is the opposite of love. Fear is what prevents people from being selfless, the way Christ was selfless for us.

So, if fear really is what causes shyness, then what exactly is root of this fear? I used to be extremely shy. What was I afraid of?

"Rejection."

And why would people reject me?

"Because I am not perfect."

How does one become perfect?

"One must say and do everything perfectly without mistakes."

Isn't that impossible?

"Yes."

Then why make that demand if it isn't possible? Is it logical to demand something that is impossible?

"Well, no..."

Must the laws of the universe change so that your impossible demands may be met?

"It would be nice if they did, but that probably wont happen."

Hmm... I think we have just discovered the root of the fear: PRIDE. Shy people tend to make two very specific demands on the world: "Everyone must like and approve of me," and " I must be perfect in every way so that everyone may like me".

With such impossible demands, no wonder they avoid parties and avoid talking with people on a regular basis. One is bound to fail! And when a shy person fails, they start with the self-downing: "I'm an idiot, I'm an embarrassment. No wonder no one likes me. I've made a fool out of myself. It's the end. The eeeeend!!"

The sooner one ACCEPTS that their demands are not logical, and that trying to live out these demands never yield favorable social results, the sooner they can overcome their fear. More precisely, one must turn their 'demands' into 'preferences'. For example, rather that saying:

"Everyone must like and approve of me".

...one should rather say:

" It would be NICE if everyone could like and approve of me, but this is impossible. I sure don't like and approve of everyone I meet, so why should they do it for me?"

The same goes for demanding perfection. One should strive for social perfection in a certain sense, but one cannot demand that they be socially perfect at all times, as this is impossible, and one would be putting an impossible amount of pressure on themselves. Why torture yourself?

This doesn't limit itself to one being socially perfect. It's the desire for perfection in every aspect of life. Why, I study music, and I know this young man who is an EXCEPTIONAL pianist. I am wowed and awed every time he plays a piece. However, if he plays ONE WRONG NOTE, he wont shut up about how much he has screwed up, and he becomes extremely uptight and depressed. It's painful to watch. Shouldn't one rejoice in their mistakes so as to use it as a tool for learning? Why punish yourself for not fulfilling an already impossible demand?


On a more Catholic note: When I was living with the Benedictine sisters, we would pray from the Office seven times a day. We would sing the office, in fact. Some of the psalm tones were easy, and others were rather complicated. Not all of the Sisters had the musical gift, and often they would make mistakes. Whenever a Sister would make a mistake during the singing of the Office, she would kneel in her place for a few seconds, then sit back up again to rejoin the prayer.

I asked the subprioress why this was. She said that the Office is such a sacred prayer, when a Sister makes a mistake, she has to make amends for disrupting the Office by making a mistake.

I did not agree with this, actually. But, I do agree that the Divine Office is indeed a very sacred and profound way of praying to the Lord, but one should not punish themselves for not being perfect... especially with those difficult psalm tones. When one makes a mistake, it can be embarrassing and hard to accept, but one should thank the Lord for the lesson in humility; for the reminder that we are indeed human, that we make mistakes, and that we need the Lord in everything that we do so that He can raise us up out of the dirt and assist us as we walk the journey of our Christian discipleship. Isn't this why St. Paul rejoiced in his weaknesses?


Punishing oneself for not being perfect only deepens the lie that we are worthless unless we can do everything perfectly.

In this way, imperfection is a gift from God, since it reminds us that we need Him. Our imperfections deepen our need and desire for the Lord. Our imperfections can lead us to the childlike dependence of the Lord that we are all called to have; that beautiful, innocent trust. Yes, we must do our best in all that we do. Our mistakes must not be made out of willful negligence. But most of the time, our efforts fall short. When we do well, we must praise the Lord. When we make a mistake, we must turn to Him for assistance, and praise him still.

So you see? I believe shyness can be a form of pride. But I don't think it's always a form of pig-headed pride. Human beings are a little more complicated. It can have everything to do with how a child has been raised. A child can be raised in an environment where his/her parents withdraw their love unless the child behaves in a way that is 'perfect'. The child learns to believe that in order to be lovable, he/she must be perfect. It's sad, but that chain of thinking can be broken by introspection, self awareness, and an act of the will.

 Oh yes, introversion. Introverted people don't need crowds to get their energy. But that doesn't mean an introverted person is unable to go to a party, approach people, shake hands, introduce themselves and others, etc. It's called common courtesy and manners. An introverted nature should not be used as an excuse for people who have poor manners and the inability to socialize to avoid crowds. Remember, if it's debilitating, shyness caused by pride is the most likely suspect.

It's amazing. Our need for love drives nearly everything of what we do, how we think, and how we behave. That's how hungry we are for love.

Sincerely, Yours truly.

The Transgendered Curiousity

Last weekend, I went to a hair salon for an up-do, since I was holding a recital with a few friends at the Cathedral where I work (I'm a piano major, don't ya know...).
The person who was doing my hair had a male body, a male face, and an effeminate voice. He did a FABULOUS job on my hair, and when I went to the girl at the counter to pay, I gave her a $10 bill to tip the stylist.
"This is for him," I said.
"It's HER," she snapped back, and she took the bill.

Umm.....awkward?

I learned the hard way that the stylist considers himself to be a feminine being. Can you imagine if I addressed him as "her" if he considered himself to be a masculine being? Imagine how horribly I would have offended him! But, judging by the masculine features, I addressed him as "him" because, well...if it looks like a duck...

I am continuing to address him as 'him' because of the above reason.

I have pondered the whole thing for quite a while. Here are my thoughts.

First of all, I am completely ignorant regarding the dynamics and thought processes of men who believe they are women. I don't know if it's a duck who desires to become a goose so badly that the duck wishes to be called a goose, or if it's a duck who was born with a goose's brain. The former seems more probable, but of course, I am ignorant so I cannot judge.

Secondly, I want to make it clear that whatever the thought processes of these men are, in NO WAY does that damage the dignity of their human person. They should not be beaten, teased, or harassed in any way. Their humanity is very real, which means the pain they feel is very real, and never would I encourage the ostracising of such human beings. Remember, I am a religious person, and I would never join a religious community that taught hatred. That's why I joined the Catholic Church. Booya!

But the reality of transgendered folks is still, well, a reality, and it requires thought and discussion. Because, what does this tell us about our humanity?

First of all, I disagree with calling a man who wants to be a woman a 'woman'. To me, that is bending reality so as to make the person feel more comfortable. If I called the hair stylist a girl, it would be like I was playing a game of make-believe, and I would have to re-wire my brain so I can somehow 'mold' it into reality.  Forcing yourself to believe in something that logically makes no sense at all is crazy-making. The other hair stylists calling him a girl in order to make him feel better is a noble thing, I think, but in the long run it cannot be beneficial.  Where do we draw the line?

What miffs me the most about this is that their argument is this: "Gender and sexuality is a social construct, not biological". That is their base to LEGITIMISE calling a biological male a female. Allow me to poke holes in that argument.

I had to ask myself, "How do I know I'm female? Is it because I have been TOLD I was female? Is it because I have been TAUGHT how to be female?"

Beyond my obviously feminine physical attributes, I have to look within my mind and my soul to discover the seed of my feminine nature. Looking back in my childhood, I have discovered that NO ONE taught me to love Barbie dolls, flowers, or princesses. NO ONE taught me to imagine that I was a beautiful princess waiting to be fought for by a prince (because, quite frankly, if I told anyone about these thoughts I would have been mocked and laughed at).

I was a fan of Disney movies then, and I still am today. One could say, "The only reason why you imagined yourself to be a beautiful princess is because those Disney tales have indoctrinated you into wishing that was so, and that women are helpless and in need of saving".

Rubbish. And here's why.

I liked those movies because they SPOKE TO ME. A desire within me resonated when I watched those movies. Flowers, Barbie dolls, and long hair SPOKE to me. Women are attracted to beautiful things because it reflects the delicate and beautiful nature of their souls. The same way men are attracted to fast cars and heavy machinery; because it reflects the strength and bravery of their souls. What is beautiful needs to be treated with more care, and what is strong is meant to protect the beautiful. Consider how we treat a fine porcelain tea cup and how we treat a heavy glass beer mug. One is far more beautiful, and needs to be treated so as to keep the beauty intact. A glass beer mug is practical and can be pushed around a bit more, and the strength makes it reliable.

Women love the feeling of being protected. I'm talking real women, not those women who are bitter with men and insist on remaining in competition with them. No one has ever taught me to seek protection. I just knew I was something worth protecting.

Why is it a human need to protect what is beautiful? I'll let you ponder that on your own.

Fast cars aren't exclusive to men and beautiful things are exclusive to women. Heck, I like guns... I have a gun license and I go shooting once in a while (but, I could never, ever go hunting or kill a living thing...target practise for it's own sake is enough. Killing something is contrary to my need to nurture). But, I cannot relate to the almost obsessive NEED for men to be around machinery, sports, and tough things.

Nothing happens in a vacuum. A woman's attraction to beauty and a man's attraction to strength had to come from somewhere, and I'm telling you, it can't logically be a social construct. The differences go waaaaay back. They would have had to. For how could some tribal leader sit down long ago, and think "I will begin a chain of thought where women enjoy social organizing and pretty things, and men will like tools and hunting. This should be just the thing for me to initiate in order for me to forward my own personal agenda". It doesn't make sense!!

No, no...it is something within our God-given souls...a stamp, a mark, and it cannot be wiped away.

Mind you, some things ARE socially constructed, in my opinion, that are meant to define what is masculine and feminine. Skirts, for example, are associated with femininity. The colour blue is associated with masculinity (all in Western culture, of course. Other cultures have their things which associated themselves with only one sex).

But aside from that, those are the reasons why I think masculinity and femininity are not socially constructed, in and of themselves, but society has constructed things AROUND the pre-existing reality of masculinity and femininity.

It is a fascinating coincidence that the night before this all happened, I watched a documentary called "Trained in the Ways of Men", which covered the court case of men who killed a transgendered guy because they found out that he was a biological male, and had engaged in sexual acts with the men on trial without TELLING them that he was indeed a biological male.

In this documentary, a "transgendered woman" (formally a man, if I may be so politically correct) tells the story of when he went out on a few dates with a policeman, but he felt the need to tell the policeman the truth about his sexuality. WAY TO GO. Honourable, brave, noble, and honest. The policeman couldn't see him anymore. I think deep down, the policeman knew that it was, in fact, a biologically male creature dressed as a woman, and not an actual, REAL biological woman. To believe it as such would be, as previously mentioned, bending reality.

I cannot imagine the confusion and the pain that transgendered folk are going through. But I want to draw the line. If a boy WANTS to be a girl, and feels that he is a girl, don't say "Because sexuality is a social construct, go be a girl, and have fun". Examine it...consider the fact that human beings have an endless amount of quirks because of the millions of different influences we are subjected to in our lives, and the million types of trauma that we can endure that, in a sense, forces us to believe certain things within us, and causes us to act out in a certain ways. It needs more research, discussion, and scrutiny.
It's the same thing with Catholic exorcisms... all medical approaches and treatments must be EXHAUSTED before it can be considered a true demonic possession. I want all psychological and medical means to be exhausted before you tell me I MUST call a biological man a woman. I'm not saying that what these people are feeling isn't genuine, I'm saying it must be examined at it's source....and we must move beyond mere theories and estimations. Because sexuality is important. Humanity is important. We must learn more about ourselves.

In the meantime, I reserve the right to call a duck a duck. I don't mean to hurt anyone, it's just about coming to grips with what's real.

And I will never, ever endorse physical or mental trauma to be administered to those who are transgendered. A duck is a duck...and a human being is a human being. Amen. Alleluia.